Why the Holidays Can Feel Heavy (Even When Life Looks Good)
A Story Many People Quietly Relate To
Daniel is the kind of professional people admire. He’s driven, respected, and known for showing up with steadiness and competence. Most of the year, work keeps him busy enough.
But every December, something shifts.
Lights go up. Invitations arrive. Holiday music fills every space. And while Daniel genuinely wants to feel the warmth of the season, he notices a heaviness instead. It’s an ache and a feeling of sadness and anxiety he struggles to name.
He finds himself wondering:
“Why can’t I feel that carefree joy of the season?
Why does it feel like so much pressure?
Why do I feel like I’m on the outside looking in?”
And if any part of his story touches something in you, you’re not alone.
(This is a fictional composite of common experiences heard in therapy)
Common Reasons the Holidays Feel Emotionally Complex
1. Comparison and Invisible Expectations
Images of perfect families, flawless homes, travel plans, and “sparkling joy” create an emotional standard that doesn’t match real life. When reality is more complicated, it’s easy to feel like you’re missing something.
You’re not.
Most people are carrying something behind the scenes.
2. Tragedy, Grief and Absence
Bad things still happen during the holidays. The contrast of “how it’s supposed to be” and the reality of what is happening can be hard to process. The holidays highlight estrangement, illness and loss. Memories sit closer to the surface, and the ache of “before” can feel sharper.
3. Pressure to Perform
Many people feel a enormous pressure to please family members and others with “the perfect gifts” or “perfect holiday experiences”. People spend far above their comfort level. Many people put on a brave, cheerful face so they don’t “ruin the mood.” But the emotional effort can be exhausting.
4. Loneliness in Crowded Spaces
Even surrounded by people, someone may feel disconnected, unseen, or unsure how to show up authentically. The holidays can intensify that sense of distance.
5. Emotional Labour and Responsibility
Planning, hosting, smoothing conflicts, showing generosity, masking inner pain – all can fall heavily on those who are already stretched thin, especially achievers and caretakers.
6. Reflection on the Year
The quiet moments of December invite questions:
Did I nurture the relationships that matter?
Do I feel aligned with my values?
Have I been carrying too much alone?
Honest reflection naturally stirs emotion.
7. The Truth that Success Doesn’t Perfectly Insulate From Everything
Achievement, competence, income, leadership roles do not shield us from grief, longing, loneliness, illness, or emotional vulnerability.
Support During the Holidays
If anything in this feels familiar and you’d like a place to explore it with care, gentle support is available.
I offer virtual online counselling for adults across BC and Alberta — a private, grounded space to talk through what’s surfacing.
Book a private session here.
Understanding the Psychology Behind Holiday Heaviness
As a counsellor working with adults across British Columbia and Alberta, I see a pattern with many busy people:
High-capacity people spend much of the year functioning at a level that doesn’t leave room for emotional clarity.
Work, responsibility, caregiving, and expectations can create momentum – and sometimes that momentum keeps deeper feelings out of reach.
When the noise calms:
old grief surfaces
loneliness becomes visible
accumulated stress rises to the surface
relational needs become harder to ignore
unspoken longings become sharper
Nothing about this means you’re broken or ungrateful.
It simply means you’re human – and December gives your inner world more space than usual.
Five Gentle Ways to Care for Yourself This Season
🌿 1) Allow the Full Experience
You can love parts of Christmas and still carry heaviness.
Joy and ache coexist more often than people admit.
🌿 2) Name What You’re Feeling
There’s power in saying:
“I feel a quiet loneliness today.”
“I’m grieving someone.”
“I feel pressure to be cheerful.”
Naming is an act of compassion toward yourself.
🌿 3) Create Soft Boundaries
You can decline events.
You can keep gatherings small.
You can simplify gifting.
It’s okay if your emotional capacity has limits.
🌿 4) Honour What Matters
Light a candle for someone.
Spend an hour in nature.
Keep one meaningful ritual rather than all of them.
Small truths can be grounding.
🌿 5) Find Places Where You Don’t Have to Perform
Holiday pressure begins to lift when you have space to be honest — not bright, not cheerful, just real.
This might be with a trusted friend, partner, journal, or therapist.
When Support Is Helpful: Signs You Might Benefit from Online Counselling
There is no “right level of struggle” that qualifies someone for therapy. Many adults in high-responsibility roles reach out not because their lives are falling apart, but because something inside them feels tight, tender, sad, anxious or quietly out of alignment – especially around the holidays.
Here are some gentle signs that counselling support might be helpful during this season:
1. You’re carrying more internally than you share outwardly
On the surface, you’re functioning well.
Inside, you feel overstretched, lonely, heavy, or numb.
If emotional strain is becoming your private companion, talking with someone can provide breathing room.
2. You notice grief, sadness, or longing showing up unexpectedly
Whether it’s the loss of someone you loved, a relationship that has changed, or a story you hoped would be different by now. If these emotions sit close to the surface in December, therapy can be a soft place to land.
3. You’re exhausted by the pressure to “be okay”
If performing calm, cheerful, or composed takes energy you don’t really have, counselling can offer a space where you don’t have to hold everything together.
4. You’re hard on yourself for feeling the way you do
Many accomplished adults minimize their pain:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“Other people have it worse.”
“I should be grateful.”
Therapy helps interrupt that inner dismissal and invites compassion instead.
5. You want to understand your inner world more deeply
Sometimes there isn’t a crisis at all, just curiosity.
Counselling can be a place to reflect, make sense of patterns, and build emotional clarity.
6. You feel disconnected from others even though you’re surrounded by people
Loneliness isn’t always about being alone.
If you feel hard to reach, misunderstood, or emotionally distant, support can help you explore what’s underneath.
7. You’re questioning meaning, direction, or identity
The holidays often illuminate unspoken thoughts:
“Is this life what I want?”
“Why do I feel like something is missing?”
“How do I want to show up next year?”
Therapy can help you hold these questions gently.
8. You’re carrying responsibilities that have no witness
Many leaders, parents, managers, and business owners don’t have a place to put their emotional load.
Counselling offers a confidential space where nothing has to be edited, hidden, or minimized.
9. You don’t want to burden the people who care about you
If you catch yourself saying, “They have enough on their plate,” or choosing to stay silent even when you’re struggling, therapy can be a supportive third place to speak freely.
What Virtual Counselling Looks Like for Adults in BC & Alberta
Online counselling isn’t a lesser version of therapy – and it isn’t just a video call. For many adults across British Columbia and Alberta, virtual sessions have become a comfortable, private, and deeply meaningful way to receive support, especially during tender seasons like the holidays.
Here’s what the experience is often like:
A Calm, Confidential Space to Breathe
Sessions happen over secure video, in the quiet of your own space — a home office, work breakroom, or living room chair. There’s no commute, no waiting room, and no pressure to perform. You bring yourself exactly as you are.
Many clients appreciate the sense of privacy, especially when their emotional life is something they don’t often show outwardly.
Gentle, Conversational, and Grounded
Counselling isn’t interrogation, analysis-on-display, or telling you who to be.
It’s a conversation — slow, thoughtful, and shaped by your pace.
Together, we explore what’s showing up:
grief
pressure
relationships
exhaustion
questions about meaning
emotional patterns
You lead the topics. I help you make sense of them.
Attuned Support for High-Responsibility Roles
A large part of my practice involves adults who:
hold leadership positions
run businesses
support teams
manage complex family needs
shoulder private stress
Online sessions allow you to access counselling without stepping away from your commitments. It fits into real life while still creating emotional space.
Some clients book during:
lunch hours
early mornings
between meetings
after the kids are asleep
The flexibility matters.
Regulated, Professional, Trauma-Informed Care
Adults in BC and Alberta sometimes wonder whether online therapy is “legitimate.”
It is — and standards are the same as in person.
As a Registered Clinical Counsellor, I’m bound by:
professional ethics
confidentiality
scope of practice
evidence-informed approaches
Virtual support includes the same grounding strategies, relational attunement, and care you’d receive sitting across from me.
Created to Feel Safe, Not Clinical
Many clients describe online sessions as:
calmer
less self-conscious
easier to open up
emotionally softer
There’s something about being in your own environment that allows honesty.
Some people share more deeply online than they ever have in person — simply because the space feels privately theirs.
Accessible From Anywhere in BC or Alberta
Whether you live in:
Fernie
Sparwood
Cranbrook or Kimberley
Calgary region
Edmonton area
Vancouver Island
Okanagan
Northern Alberta
Lower Mainland
…sessions are just a link away.
This matters for:
privacy
rural communities
remote work camps
demanding schedules
unpredictable shift rotations
winter travel conditions
medical or caregiving responsibilities
Your emotional care doesn’t have to wait until life is perfectly arranged.
You Don’t Need to “Earn” Support
Many high-functioning adults quietly tell themselves that therapy is only for emergencies.
But virtual counselling can meet you exactly where you are — whether you’re carrying grief, feeling disconnected, or simply curious about your inner landscape.
You don’t need a crisis.
You just need a little room to be human.
If you’re feeling tender this season - whether from grief, pressure, overwhelm, or quiet loneliness - you don’t have to move through it alone.
Therapy can be a private space to slow down, make sense of emotions, and reconnect with yourself.
Sessions are confidential, on your schedule, and accessible anywhere in BC or Alberta.
