Is Your Boss A Narcissist?
Ava loved her job—until Jonah became her boss.
At first, he praised her work and called her “the smartest person in the room.”
But the compliments soon turned to criticism.
Then he began taking credit for her ideas, gaslighting her in meetings, and subtly undermining her confidence. In one-on-one check-ins, he delivered praise laced with insults, warning her not to “make it about ego.”
She started second-guessing herself—her memory, her abilities, even her worth.
Each day felt like walking on eggshells, and she found herself shrinking just to stay out of his line of fire.
Manipulation, Gas Lighting, Deceipt
If you’ve ever felt manipulated, gaslit, or constantly on edge around your boss, you may be dealing with more than just a difficult personality. You may be working for someone with strong narcissistic tendencies.
It’s important to recognize the the signs and understand how to navigate the complex dynamics of working under a narcissistic leader.
Let’s explore what narcissistic leadership looks like, why it’s so harmful, and—most importantly—what you can do to protect yourself while staying professional.
Toxic Workplace
A narcissistic boss may not have a formal diagnosis, but their behavior often follows recognizable patterns:
Grandiosity
Fragile ego
Blame-shifting
- Picking favorites that soon fall out of grace
Exploitation of others
Lack of accountability
Need for constant praise
Undermining others’ success
- Creating in-groups and out-groups
Poor listening skills
- Lack of emotional regulation
And when someone like that is in a position of power, the ripple effect can poison an entire workplace.
6 Signs Your Boss Might Be a Narcissist
Let’s break down what narcissistic behavior might look like in the office:
1. They Take Credit for Your Work
You put in late nights and creative problem-solving, only for your boss to take all the glory in meetings. Narcissists crave validation and recognition, and they’ll take it wherever they can—even at your expense.
2. They Never Accept Blame
Mistakes are never theirs. When things go wrong, they deflect responsibility and find a scapegoat—usually someone beneath them on the org chart. Sound familiar?
3. They Constantly Shift the Goalposts
What was acceptable last week is suddenly unacceptable today. Narcissistic bosses are inconsistent and unpredictable. This keeps you on edge and fosters a sense of insecurity.
4. They Use Charm and Manipulation Strategically
They might seem charismatic in interviews or client meetings, but their charm is calculated. Narcissists can be incredibly persuasive when they want something—but it’s not genuine connection, it’s control.
5. They Publicly Praise and Privately Punish
You might be held up as a star employee in public but berated behind closed doors. This push-pull keeps you emotionally hooked and unsure of where you stand.
6. They Create a Culture of Fear
Rather than fostering collaboration, they encourage competition, gossip, and sabotage among employees. This chaos helps them maintain control.
But wait - how do narcissists get into leadership roles?
It seems counterintuitive, right? If narcissists are so toxic, how do they end up in charge?
They often:
Interview well (they’re confident and charming)
Present as visionary or bold
Take big risks that sometimes pay off
Dominate conversations and appear “decisive”
Because of these traits, companies sometimes confuse narcissism with strong leadership.
But while narcissists might make an impressive first impression, they often fail to foster sustainable success.
Their poor emotional intelligence, low empathy, and inability to collaborate can create long-term organizational damage.
Why Narcissistic Bosses Are So Dangerous
Working for a narcissist doesn’t just make you uncomfortable—it can have real consequences for your mental health, career growth, and even your identity.
Chronic Stress and Anxiety
When you’re always bracing for the next outburst or the next impossible demand, your nervous system stays in a state of hypervigilance. Over time, this can lead to burnout, insomnia, and physical illness.
Gaslighting Causes Self-Doubt
A narcissistic boss may deny past conversations, twist your words, or undermine your credibility. You might start to question your memory, judgment, or even your sanity.
Career Sabotage
Because narcissistic leaders view others’ success as a threat, they may block promotions, withhold opportunities, or subtly discredit you to others.
Damage to Self-Worth
Over time, the constant invalidation can erode your confidence. You might begin to believe that you are the problem, especially if the workplace culture supports the narcissist’s behavior.
How to protect yourself if your boss is a narcissist
If you suspect (or know) that your boss is a narcissist, here’s how to stay sane and smart:
1. Set Clear Emotional Boundaries
You don’t need to match their intensity. Stay calm, professional, and emotionally neutral. Avoid oversharing personal information, which narcissists may later use against you.
2. Document Everything
Keep a private record of key conversations, decisions, and performance feedback. If things escalate, this documentation can protect you.
3. Don’t Take the Bait
Narcissists thrive on reaction. If they provoke you or try to start drama, don’t engage emotionally. Respond with neutrality and professionalism.
4. Connect with a Support Network Outside of Work
Having a safe place outside the workplace to vent and strategize can help you avoid isolation. Talk with close friends, relatives or your therapist.
5. Focus on What You Control
You can’t fix a narcissist. What you can control is how you respond, how you take care of yourself, and how you plan your next steps.
Leaving a Narcissistic Boss
Unfortunately, the best solution to protect yourself from a narcissistic boss is to leave. It seems and is unfair.
But the longer you stay the more emotional damage you suffer and the greater risk to your career.
Not only that, but the narcissist boss usually has all the power. It is relatively easy for a narcissistic boss to convince those above them in the hierarchy , that it is YOU that are the problem – not THEM.
Quietly Look for a Job Change
If you are like most people, you may not be able to afford to simply quit!
Instead, seek reassignment within your current company, or start looking for work with another company.
Here’s how to leave wisely:
Update your resume and LinkedIn quietly.
Network discreetly with industry contacts or recruiters.
Don’t announce your plans until you’ve secured another offer.
Leave gracefully—narcissists may try to provoke a dramatic exit. Stay professional.
Leaving doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’ve chosen to prioritize your well-being.
What Healthy Leadership Looks Like
If you’ve only ever worked under a narcissistic boss, it’s important to know: not all leadership is like this.
A good boss:
Celebrates your wins
Encourages growth
Takes responsibility
Gives credit where it’s due
Listens actively and responds with empathy
You deserve that kind of leadership. If you’re in a position to be that leader for others, even better—use what you’ve learned to break the cycle.
Rebuilding After a Narcissistic Boss
Once you’re out of a toxic workplace, you might feel exhausted, confused, or even guilty.
That’s normal. Narcissistic abuse can leave psychological scars.
Consider these helpful and healing actions:
Work with a coach or therapist to process the experience
Read or listen to podcasts about narcissistic abuse recovery to regain clarity
Reconnect with your values and strengths
Celebrate your escape—many people stay stuck for years
Over time, you’ll rediscover your confidence—and learn to trust your instincts again.
