How to be yourself

Somewhere along the way, you stopped asking what you wanted.

As a child, you were taught to respect your parents, teachers, coaches – to be polite, to be good, to make people proud. And for many of us, that lesson quietly expanded: we learned that being liked kept us safe.

That making others happy made life smoother. That reading the room was a superpower.

You became an expert at it – sensing moods, adjusting yourself, smoothing over tension. It worked… for a while.

But there’s a hidden cost to being everyone’s favourite person: eventually, you lose sight of your person.

You start choosing based on what will make others comfortable instead of what makes you come alive. You agree, nod, smile, and go along – until one day, you realize you don’t even know what you like anymore.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not broken. You just got disconnected from your own centre. The good news? You can find your way back.

Here are a few ways to begin reclaiming your voice, your joy, and your sense of self.

Remember What Matters to You

Get clear on your values.

What truly matters to you – not what your family, friends, or social media say should matter.

Write them down.

I have a cool exercise that helps my clients get clear on their values. It’s a fun and useful exercise that really helps.

When you live in alignment with your own values, decision-making becomes simpler, lighter, and truer.

Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself

When you show up for yourself, you prove to your brain that you’re reliable.

Nourish your body. Exercise. Take care of you!

Get enough sleep.

Follow through on commitments.

It might mean doing hard things – like going to the gym or keeping an appointment you’d rather cancel

Because every time you honour your word, you rebuild self-trust.

Talk to Yourself With Kindness

We all have self-talk. You know, the running commentary in our heads.

Notice if yours sounds harsh or cruel:

“You blew it again.”

“You should have known better.”

“You’re just too weird”.

When that voice appears, pause.

Talk to yourself like you would to a good friend. Replace criticism with compassion.

Kindness toward yourself is not weakness.

Actually, it’s the foundation of confidence.

It’s a very important ingredient in learning or relearning how to be yourself.

Share Your Opinions

One super important aspect of showing up as your true self is to express your opinions. Not necessarily always but for sure at least sometimes!

Stop being the person who always says, “Whatever you all want.”

When you share your preference, even something as small as which movie to watch or what restaurant to pick, you remind yourself (and others) that your voice matters.

And other people actually like the fact that you have an opinion – it’s a way they can get to know you.

You are not inconvenient or trouble because you have your own interests, preferences and opinions. And your opinions, interests, and desires are just as important as other peoples.

Choose Kindness Over Niceness

Being nice often means avoiding conflict, swallowing discomfort, and pretending everything’s fine.

Being kind means being honest, compassionate, and real.

Kindness respects both you and the other person.

Walk Away from Disrespect

You don’t owe anyone access to you.

If someone disrespects you, it’s not okay.

If someone continually treats you poorly, withdraw your energy.

Distance is not cruelty, it’s clarity.

Learn How to Be Yourself by Finding What You Love

Sometimes you can get so used to doing what others want you to do and being agreeable and liking what others like , that you lose touch with what you actually like.

You forget what makes YOU happy.

It’s time to rediscover that!

Pay attention to moments that make you lose track of time—a song, a walk, painting, laughing with a friend. Joy leaves clues about who you really are.