Self Care When You Need it Most
How to Give Yourself What You Need and Really Love Yourself Again
Sometimes you can lose touch with who you really are, because you get really busy, or you’re distracted by the noise of other’s expectations, or the external definitions of “success”.
In addition, you may be so focused on making others happy or on helping others, that you put your self last.
Or you may need to forgive yourself, or you struggle to give yourself the time, care and attention you need.
In those sorts of times, it’s important to make yourself a priority, reflect, and give yourself what you need to get your life back on track.
Be Yourself - Be Who You Really Are and Be Proud of it
How to Love Yourself Again - Step by Step
When life gets busy, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself in all the demands of work, relationships, family and social expectations.
But what happens when you realize you’ve neglected your relationship with yourself?
When you have been so busy that you put yourself last, procrastinate on the things you know will do you good, or even self-sabotage?
Or when you can’t seem to stop that self-critical inner voice that tells you that you’re not good enough?
It’s time to give yourself some love, caring and priority.
Here’s how to love yourself again – step by step.
1) First, Take an Inventory - see where you are now
Self-love starts with self-awareness. Take a moment to reflect on your current relationship with yourself.
Ask questions like:
- Am I clear about who I am? My likes and dislikes, my character, values?
- Do I speak to myself with kindness and compassion?
- When did I last prioritize my own needs?
- What are some negative patterns I’ve fallen into?
- Do I take care of my body – eat nourishing foods, stay hydrated, exercise, get enough sleep?
- Is my life aligned with my values? Am I in touch with my values?
- Do the people I socialize with treat me with kindness ?
- What are some activities I truly enjoy? When do I make time to do those?
- Do I feel proud of myself? Do I feel like a person who is worthy of care, kindness and respect?
- Do I act like I love myself?
- What is the story I tell myself about me?
Journaling or talking to a trusted friend can help you gain clarity.
The answers to these questions will help you to find the gaps that need attention.
And the areas to celebrate!
2) Love Yourself Again With Radical Self-Compassion
We all make mistakes, and life’s challenges can leave us feeling unworthy. Acknowledge that you’re human and deserving of forgiveness—especially from yourself.
A simple daily mantra like, “I am enough,” can work wonders for your mindset.
3) Reconnect with Your Passions
What activities make you feel alive and joyful?
Whether it’s painting, hiking, dancing, or reading, rediscover the things that ignite your spirit.
First, make a list of the things you know you love to do.
Secondly, make a list of the activities you’d like to try out.
Then, schedule time for these activities regularly, even if it’s just for 15 minutes a day.
4) Set Boundaries to Protect Your Energy
Loving yourself means saying “no” to other things and other people sometimes.
Figure out what situations or relationships drain your energy and take steps to set healthy boundaries.
You have the right to choose.
And remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’ve never learned to set boundaries, you may feel uncomfortable at first. You may be awkward or unsure.
Not to worry, it’s a skill that can be learned and mastered. There are several good books about it or you can get coached in setting boundaries through counselling as well.
5) Prioritize Your Physical & Mental Health
Take care of your body, mind, emotions and spirit!
That’s powerful self-love.
Here’s a list of the things we all know are good for us! What’s missing?
- Exercise regularly, eat nourishing foods, and ensure you get enough sleep.
- Go outside and get some fresh air.
- Take a lunch break.
- Join the gym.
- Try yoga.
- Join a class.
- Go hiking or running.
- Connect with people who truly care about you.
- Make some friends.
- Protect yourself from toxic relationships.
- Learn a new sport.
- Let go of perfectionism.
- Stop putting yourself last!
- Stretch.
- Meditate, practice mindfulness, or seek therapy to process and heal.
- Sometimes you just need a rest! Read a book. Sleep in. Do nothing!
For more ideas on self-care, download the SelfCare Checklist here.
More often than not, however, the issue is not the list so much as – ACTUALLY DOING THE THINGS ON THE LIST! : )
If you know what to do but don’t do it, there are often barriers holding you back that need to be addressed.
6) Celebrate Your Small Wins
Progress, not perfection, is the goal.
Did you go for a walk today?
Celebrate it.
Managed to cook yourself a healthy meal?
That’s worth acknowledging.
Focusing on small victories can help you rebuild your confidence over time.
7) Surround Yourself with Kindness & Positivity
Hang out with people who lift your spirits.
Assess the voices and media you engage with daily.
Are they uplifting or draining?
Surround yourself with individuals and content that inspire and encourage self-growth.
Take a few moments to deliberately look on the bright side. Not talking toxic positivity here – we need to acknowledge and be aware of the negatives in life for sure.
But it’s also equally important to see the whole picture and shine your flashlight on the many good things in life.
There are many good things happening, and many great possibilities.
It helps to be open to seeing them.
8) Try Counselling for Customized Support and Accountability
Regular counselling is an excellent way to build in some time, space and accountability to rebuild your self esteem, get on your self-care program (and stay on it).
It’s funny that we easily join a gym or a yoga class but hesitate to care for our minds and emotions. Counselling is easy to start and a great way to help yourself grow, gain confidence and feel good about yourself and your life.
You get the tools and guidance to help you rebuild your relationship with yourself.
And the accountability to stay on track.
And counselling is covered by most employer health care benefits.
Wow – there’s really no reason not to 🙂
9) Supercharge Self Love By Making Gratitude a Habit
It makes a difference to take time to focus on the things that have gone well, the things that you are proud of, and to be grateful for what you do have, who you are (in spite of quirks and shortcomings) , and what you have already accomplished.
Make a list. Write down the things you are proud of yourself for, the challenges you have met, the wonderful things in your life that have already happened. You can have more of those things.
I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your life, and be sure it is going in the direction you want it to. Where you find gaps, make an action plan to shift so that you are in better alignment with your values, priorities and interests.
Sometimes lack of alignment shows up in feelings of anxiety, stress, sadness or imposter syndrome. Or sometimes it appears in self-sabotage, procrastination, people-pleasing and fewer moments of joy in your life.
Most people benefit from the support and accountability that counselling brings
If you’d like some support in improving your self esteem, increasing self-love and developing a positive mindset, I’m right here!
These things are easier done with some guidance and support.
Connect with me to set up a free consultation or to set up your first session to help you get your life back on track and start feeling better.
Did you know? Counselling is at least partially covered by most employer health care plans. It’s part of your compensation package!
Virginia Purcell MSc CCC
Virginia Purcell is a Clinical Counsellor and Executive Coach who specializes in helping professionals, entrepreneurs and leaders reduce overwhelm, anxiety and stress while defining their own brand of success, leading authentic lives that align with their values, and building strong healthy relationships with people who lift them up,
